How to develop a toolkit of winning skills and techniques
Written by Dan Parry • 14 October, 2025
Interpersonal Communication Skills Article
Negotiation is the journey to an objective, via whichever route is most likely to get you what you want. Shape the outcome from the start by framing the discussion, staying flexible, and relying on a range of negotiation skills, styles, and techniques.
Negotiation isn’t a dark art reserved for boardrooms and hard-nosed dealmakers, it’s the ability to get things done – with colleagues, clients, or even yourself. It’s often regarded as a roll-your-sleeves-up showdown, rather than a set of carefully tailored skills. Negotiation is less about ‘winning’ and more about building consensus without losing integrity.
Successful negotiation depends on trust, authenticity, and managing relationships effectively. It demands calm under pressure, empathy under fire, and the courage to listen when instinct tells you to argue.
Negotiation often gets portrayed as a battlefield, but at its core it comes down to two foundational approaches – think of them as the art and the science of getting what you want without burning bridges.
Distributive negotiation is the classic zero-sum game. The size of the price is fixed. Each side fights for the biggest piece of the pie, the bigger your slice the smaller someone else’s. It can be fast, tactical, and transactional – and often relates to one-off deals, price haggling, or situations where relationships don’t matter. The focus is clear: claim value, protect your bottom line, and don’t give an inch unless you get one in return.
Integrative negotiation, by contrast, is about expanding the pie. Here, the goal isn’t just to win, but to create solutions that benefit everyone involved. It relies on building consensus through curiosity, empathy, and creativity. Parties explore interests, trade over issues, and find options that weren’t obvious at the start. This approach builds trust, strengthens relationships, and often leads to smarter, more sustainable outcomes.
Strong negotiators know when to compete and when to collaborate. They possess the sharp edge of distributive tactics, but consider it only as one tool among many that together support integrative thinking, turning negotiation into an opportunity for both value and connection.
Key negotiation skills include:
Successful negotiators know the facts, the people, and the context before the first word is spoken, giving them leverage and wiggle room.
When the other side want a different outcome, don’t miss clues in body language and unspoken concerns that you can latch on to when seeking a way round apparent obstacles.
Emotionally aware negotiators are ready to adjust tactics, adopting an approach that’s more likely to develop a connection, without losing authenticity.
Firm but flexible clarity leads to clear communication, building trust and avoiding misinterpretation or defensiveness. A can-do sentiment might be more effective than a closed, hard-nosed approach.
Rushing kills deals. Knowing when to push, pause, or pivot can turn a potential stalemate into progress, building the sense of common purpose that will bring both sides to agreement.
Confidence communicates credibility; assertiveness ensures your needs aren’t overlooked. Maintain both by travelling together towards a solution, rather than trying to back the other side into a corner.
When working with each other, solving problems together, both parties are more likely to secure long-term trust, potentially leading to further agreements in the future.
Nudge the conversation along through the subtle art of shaping opinions without coercion. Skilled negotiators make others feel the solution is theirs, perhaps by planting the seeds of an idea.
Adjust style, tone, and strategy in response to the ebb and flow of the conversation, keeping an eye on the objective while maintaining a sense of togetherness.
It’s easy to forget the need for patient relationship-building. Don’t take people or conclusions for granted, a deal isn’t done until it’s implemented.
An understanding of basic skills will help you develop your own negotiation style. Five typical negotiation styles, described by Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann, have become known as the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument. Suited to different situations, the five styles are:
Competing: the go-get ‘em mode of negotiation. It’s assertive, unyielding, zero-sum thinking. It’s useful in making high-stakes, fast decisions where winning matters more than harmony.
Collaborating: assertive and cooperative, collaboration seeks win-win solutions. This style comes to the fore when relationships matter and creative problem-solving can expand the prize on offer.
Compromising: sits in the middle – moderately assertive and cooperative. When time is short or stakes are moderate, a quick middle-ground deal keeps things moving.
Accommodating: an approach that favours generosity, leading to an unassertive but cooperative style. It’s useful for preserving relationships – but overuse can leave your interests on the table.
Avoiding: this is the strategic ‘ghost’ approach to negotiation. Low on both assertiveness and cooperation, it’s about sidestepping conflict or waiting for a better opportunity.
Don’t feel you need stick to one style. Read the room, adapt, and be prepared to blend styles as you go. These five approaches give you choices, keeping you in the driving seat when things slow down or hit an unexpected twist.
In negotiation, the best style is readiness to adapt. Successful negotiators don’t have a style – they have a toolkit. Step one is knowing your default: do you push hard, seek harmony, trade halfway, or dodge the tension? The trick is matching style to situation.
– High stakes? Competing or collaborating.– Long-term relationship? Compromise or accommodate.– Low importance or bad timing? Sometimes, avoiding is strategy.
Monitor progress by watching their body language, energy, and openness, and adjust your own personal impact accordingly. If the room freezes, soften. If they push, find your anchor point. Flexibility isn’t weakness – it’s a can-do approach to momentum and control.
Develop a negotiator’s personality traits by combining skills, styles, and flexibility into techniques such as:
Negotiation begins long before anyone sits at the table. Decide not just what you’ll say, but how the story will be told. The person who frames the conversation first – who defines what’s being discussed, and why – quietly sets the rules of engagement. Open with a clear sense of purpose, in a spirit of clarity rather than competition. Outline what success might look like for both sides and establish the values that will shape the dialogue – fairness, transparency, progress.
Every concession has value, every trade builds momentum, and momentum gets you to your objective. When you give ground too easily, you lead others to expect more. But when you trade – deliberately, with purpose – you create balance and mutual respect. Success lies in finding something that matters more to them than it costs to you. Offer flexibility on timelines in exchange for stronger terms, or agree to a small discount in return for a longer commitment. Trading keeps the energy constructive and stops stalemates turning sour.
Successful negotiators are patiently ready to play a longer game. When discussions grow tense, resist the reflex to win the moment. Focus instead on preserving connection. Listen more deeply, de-escalate when emotions rise, and find language that keeps dialogue open. A reputation for fairness and reliability compounds over time; it becomes your silent advantage in future talks. The goal isn’t to gain the upper hand at all costs – it’s to ensure both sides walk away still willing to meet again.
Through sessions such as our negotiation skills training course, you’ll discover that you’re not aiming to be nice or tough. You’re aiming to be effective. The best style is the one that gets you to ‘yes’ without losing what matters on the way.
After negotiating, reflect on what landed, what backfired, and what would have served you better? Closing the deal isn’t the end. By following through, demonstrating trust and accountability, you transform agreements into lasting partnerships. It’s always nice to walk away feeling that you’ve found new agreement and an opportunity for more of the same in the future.
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The founder and CEO of Working Voices, Nick Smallman has been at the top of his profession for 25 years. Advising global blue-chip clients on engagement, productivity, and retention, he counsels leaders on increasing revenue via simple cultural adjustments.
Overseeing the successful expansion of Working Voices across the UK, the US, Asia, and the Middle East, Nick supports the leadership and communication capabilities of clients in a wide range of sectors. In particular, he has advised companies such as JP Morgan, Barclays, Sony, Nomura, M&S, and Blackrock for more than 15 years.
Developing his reputation for thought leadership, in recent years Nick has been leading work on The Sustainable Human, the subject of his forthcoming book. A concept unique to Working Voices, The Sustainable Human offers a package of solutions focusing on leadership enablement, future skills, and cultural harmony.
Working closely with HR specialist Mercer, Nick has developed solutions to four key modern workplace challenges:
“I’m excited to share the conclusions of three years of research that, if implemented, can make an immediate practical difference to leaders and their organisations.”
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