Learning to rely on logic when standing up for what matters to you
Written by Dan Parry • 18 November, 2025
Interpersonal Communication Skills Article
In a busy workplace, assertiveness gives you a little extra breathing space. It’s not a greedy demand for attention, nor aggression or swagger. It’s a decision to respond with care and logic so that your opinion is not missed or misunderstood. Assertiveness isn’t being less polite or respectful, it’s being noticed – particularly by yourself.
Assertiveness can be defined as favouring a logical response instead of emotional reactions that might initially tempt you this way or that.
Imagine this. You’re in a coffee-shop, you’ve ordered your regular latte – but they mistakenly bring you something exotic with ice, marshmallows, and cream, something that’s conspicuously not a latte. You smile and politely send it back. And so they bring you another drink. And this time it’s tea.
Taking a breath, you reflect on the logic of coffee-shops. This usually includes paying money, getting what you ordered, and accepting that people may make – one – mistake. It doesn’t include cack-handed idiocy.
One emotional response might be a passive smile, a quick thank you, and then 20 minutes drinking something you didn’t want. Another might be an aggressive, dramatic scene. Emotions strike when logic, rules, world-order, and coffee come under threat. Assertiveness is a more logical response that keeps emotions in check.
Becoming more assertive at work starts with clarity. You’re asking people to recognise what you stand for, which begins with knowing what you want. Assertiveness is about avoiding passive or aggressive emotional responses by quietly accepting what matters to you and standing up for it.
The good thing about assertiveness is that it involves less effort than trying to look assertive when you’re actually feeling something less. On fearful days, there may be a vigorous temptation to hide – perhaps behind a screen of ‘impressive’ corporate-speak instead of using simple everyday language.
Being honest, direct, plain-speaking, and calm, is a winning combination. ‘I don’t agree with that timeline because it undermines quality’ lands far better than ‘I’m not sure, maybe we could blue-sky potential alternatives that better align with our objectives, or not?’
Keeping things simple relies on confidence, which is why it’s important to see and accept what matters to you. When you give yourself the time and space to be clear about what counts, others follow your lead.
Assertiveness begins with self-awareness and managing confidence and self-esteem. Assertive communication is the art of speaking confidently and clearly, saying what you mean without finding that everyone else suddenly looks irritated, worried, fuming, or on the verge of tears. Speak with confidence but soften this with emotional intelligence, particularly empathy.
It’s important to find the middle ground between rights and responsibilities. You have a right to be clear about what matters to you and to choose what to stand up for. You also have a responsibility to others – which means accepting that they have rights just as you do. Be aware and astute, but stay flexible enough to accommodate others’ suggestions.
Upholding rights without responsibility leads to aggression, responsibility without rights is passive, and both are emotions that fall short of a logical, assertive approach. This begins with the self, accepts others, and remains mindful of personal trigger points that can cause you problems when logic comes under threat.
When managing uncertainty, challenging moments can particularly test logic and routine. But by speaking with confidence and open-mindedness, people are more likely to listen.
A common concern about assertiveness is the worry that it can sound aggressive – both what is said and the way it comes across. Ultimately, the secret to assertive communication is sentiment – as revealed through intention, tone, and body language. Assertiveness is 20% words, 80% delivery. Doubt, uncertainty, and aggression invite others to look for alternative opinions elsewhere.
Demonstrate that you feel no need to dominate by keeping calm – maintaining a steady voice and open posture. Remain decisive though collaborative by saying ‘yes’ to the person but ‘no’ to the task, maintaining the calmness that prevents friction.
When boundaries are clear and intentions honest, relationships remain intact. You don’t need a grand speech. A simple ‘I can do that, but not by Friday’ is often enough to make people blink, recalibrate, and respect you. People may not always agree, but they understand and respect where you stand.
Aggression, by contrast, disregards boundaries, bulldozes opinions, and is often driven not by energy-preserving assertiveness but by a draining sense of insecurity. ‘That’s hopeless, you’re doing it wrong, and it’s your fault’ leaves tension in its wake. Aggressive communication can intimidate or alienate colleagues, creating short-term compliance but long-term tension.
The principal difference between the two is not volume or posture, it’s intention and effect. If you’re offering a reasonable opinion, others might need to make room for it. However comments that set out to undermine others are aggressive. Assertiveness builds the bridges that aggression has the potential to burn. Knowing the difference separates the confident professional from the loud one.
Bringing these thoughts together, a six-point plan will help to develop assertiveness:
1. Know your boundaries: before you speak up, be crystal clear on what you can and cannot accept. Understand your workload, priorities, and values. Awareness is half the battle – you can’t assert yourself if you’re unsure where your lines are drawn.
2. Express yourself clearly: identify exactly what you want from others. Vague hints or wishy-washy language will get you nowhere. Instead of ‘I suppose it’s OK,’ try, ‘I need an extra day to complete this properly.’
3. Use ‘I’ statements: to own your message, speak from your perspective. ‘I feel overwhelmed with this deadline’ works far better than ‘there’s too much being dumped on me.’ It’s direct, but non-confrontational.
4. Maintain calm delivery: sentiment carries more weight than words. Stand or sit tall, keep a steady voice, and breathe smoothly. Calmness signals confidence and discourages pushback.
5. Practice saying no: refusal doesn’t need drama. A polite but firm ‘I can’t take that on right now’ is enough. Suggest alternatives where possible – this shows collaboration, not aggression.
6. Reflect and adjust: after each assertive step, note what worked and what didn’t. Assertiveness is a skill honed over time; each interaction is a chance to improve.
At Working Voices, our assertiveness training course helps participants understand their personal perspective, expectations, and limits. When others know what you’re saying, why you’re saying it, and where your lines are drawn, everything from deadlines to disagreements becomes far easier to manage. Other skills such as mastering persuasive communication start to get a little easier too.
Assertive people speak from their own position rather tossing blame around or feeling steamrollered by other people’s opinions. ‘I need more detail before I can sign this off’ is assertive; ‘I’m never given enough detail’ is a small fire waiting to happen.
Assertiveness might make you feel as if you’re being a bit prickly. But the irony is that once you start being more assertive, people don’t bristle, they relax. Clear signals make for easy navigation. The workplace gets simpler when everyone knows where you stand – including you.
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The founder and CEO of Working Voices, Nick Smallman has been at the top of his profession for 25 years. Advising global blue-chip clients on engagement, productivity, and retention, he counsels leaders on increasing revenue via simple cultural adjustments.
Overseeing the successful expansion of Working Voices across the UK, the US, Asia, and the Middle East, Nick supports the leadership and communication capabilities of clients in a wide range of sectors. In particular, he has advised companies such as JP Morgan, Barclays, Sony, Nomura, M&S, and Blackrock for more than 15 years.
Developing his reputation for thought leadership, in recent years Nick has been leading work on The Sustainable Human, the subject of his forthcoming book. A concept unique to Working Voices, The Sustainable Human offers a package of solutions focusing on leadership enablement, future skills, and cultural harmony.
Working closely with HR specialist Mercer, Nick has developed solutions to four key modern workplace challenges:
“I’m excited to share the conclusions of three years of research that, if implemented, can make an immediate practical difference to leaders and their organisations.”
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